The Truth About Children and Becoming a Parent

“There’s nothing else like it. It will be the best decision you ever make,” they said.

They were right, somewhat. There’s definitely nothing else like having kids. And it’s often much more than what parents expect. There’s more to it than the cute baby clips on TikTok or grandma’s gentle words of encouragement.

Unfortunately, many parents find out the hard way and after it’s too late. Would be mothers and fathers, here’s the cold, hard, truth about having children and becoming parents.

The reality of parenting

Don’t get us wrong, we love our offspring, but we don’t love everything about parenting. And let’s be clear, it doesn’t take much to make a baby, but it takes much, much more to be a good parent.

Being a good parent requires tremendous time, effort, and sacrifice. It’s physically, mentally, and financially exhausting. It’s the most difficult and challenging job you can imagine, times 24, times 7, times 365!

They’ll say “it gets better over time.” And again, they’ll be right, somewhat. After the first year of life, your baby shouldn’t wake up crying every couple of hours, so you should be able to get a full night’s sleep. That’s assuming your other kids aren’t jumping on your bed and throwing tantrums.

Later on, when the kids are old enough for grade school, you could have some hours to focus on adulting between dropping them off, picking them up, helping with homework, and shuffling between after-school activities. That’s assuming they’re not home sick, which means you’ll also be sick, and probably out of sick days.

Then, when the giving tree is depleted, they’ll be eager to leave the stump and probably be equally annoyed by your constant concern for their well being. You’ll use what’s left of the stump to fund college expenses, and eventually you’ll get back what’s left of your life. Only you won’t know what to do with it. At least, you’ll be happy if they remember to call on your birthday.

Okay, it’s not that bad.  It also depends on circumstances. Parents who are fortunate enough to have helpful relatives, or nannies, or great wealth will have different experiences from those who are less fortunate.

Still, anyone who claims parenting is ALL fun and games is either not a good parent or just full of you know what.

It’s a long game

The intention here is not to dissuade people from becoming parents. It’s to express the gravitas that is having children. Babies do not ask to be born into this world. They arrive totally innocent, helpless, and at the mercy of parental care.

So, parents have a duty to protect, nurture, and provide for their children without expectation for anything in return. That means rearranging priorities and sacrificing years (decades) of life to focus on what’s best for children instead of just what parents may want themselves.

Trips to Vegas with designer handbags turn into trips to the playground with diaper bags. People often jump into parenthood without fully recognizing the long-term commitments and sacrifices it entails. All too often, that ends in broken families and permanent damage to the lives and happiness of everybody involved.

That last point is important. After you become a parent, it’s no longer only about you! Your actions and decisions affect those who depend on you. If you are not willing and ready to think about more than yourself, then you are not ready for parenthood.

If more would-be parents took the time to carefully understand this, there would probably be fewer children. And that’s okay, the truth is not everyone looks good in a minivan, and not everyone should have kids.

Why you should still totally do it

Given the trauma of parenthood, why do so many people still have children and still encourage others to do the same? Here’s one theory popular among the “never-have-kids” crowd.

Parents don’t understand what they’re getting into and end up in over their heads. Misery loves company, so parents only talk about why “you should totally have kids” to suck unsuspecting fools into the vicious cycle.

That’s possible, but we doubt it’s such a complicated conspiracy. There’s a simpler explanation. Like other animals, the basic, biological reason for our existence is to reproduce and continue life.

In the wild, animals compete and sometimes fight to the death for the privilege to continue their bloodlines so that only the strong survive. People aren’t wild animals, but the biological principles of life still apply.

We replaced big teeth and colorful feathers with money and fancy hairdos, but the natural instinct to reproduce still exists and is still crucial to life itself. The point is having children is an important and fundamental part of life. We could say it is the very reason for living in the first place.

Not everyone agrees with that. Many people in the “never-have-kids” crowd might say life’s too short not to focus on yourself. Spend as much time as possible living your own life to its fullest. Who has time to spend decades raising ungrateful rug rats?

But those same people eventually learn personal desires are insatiable. After a lifetime of searching for new experiences but not finding satisfaction, they inevitably end up questioning life’s true meaning.

How ironic and tragic it would be to realize (too late) that they were so absorbed trying to experience life, that they missed out on one of life’s most important experiences, possibly the very purpose of life itself.

Can a life really be full and well-lived without experiencing the magic that is having and raising children?

The truth about having children

That’s right, parenting may be filled with trials and tribulations, but the gift of children can also provide a special and magical happiness that makes it all worthwhile.

Pure joy and unconditional love are words that come to mind, but it’s a feeling that is literally impossible to explain.

It’s unlike anything else, something that can only be understood through first hand experience. It’s knowing, without any doubt, the true meaning of love, happiness, and life itself all at once. It’s knowing that given the choice, you would chose your children over anything or anyone, at any cost, a thousand times over.

Maybe that’s the real reason why parents from all walks of life, without hesitation, would encourage you to totally have kids. It’s something they cannot explain and something you just have to experience. Believe it or not that is the truth about children, and it’s way better than believing misery loves company.

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HWL